How the days behave

I don't quite understand it but I've been in a black and white phase for a few months now. My mind won't accept anything visible unless it's these two colors and I've completely redone my room to black and white. I like how each does not contain at all the other. Both are pure in their own and cannot house even a small dollop of the its counter part, or its tainted. Perhaps, right now I need these two colors because this is the physical representation of what I desire spiritually. I want things to be clear; I want things to be in black and white. I starve to know the dark from the light, and to know each in its pure form, not tainted. I think about it too hard.

Last night, Lauren and I went to an art crawl and to dinner. Everywhere we went, we were supposed to be there. It was very magical. We ended up having dinner at the Family Wash while a country singer with a tenor voice and his band played us some ole' country music. During carrot cake, I told Lauren, " Without thinking about it, I'm going to say a word and you respond whether it's dark or light. Despair from your understanding of those two words, just whatever comes to your mind first, say that. Friendship."

"Light. Actually, I wanted to say light but my first thought was dark."

"I think friendship is dark. Very dark. Love."

"Light."

"Light.. and dark. Africa."

"Huh?

"Light."

"I didn't understand what you said at first. I thought about it too long. Another one."

"Dishes."

"Dark."

"Dark."

We both burst into laughter. I don't know why but doing the dishes does seem very dark. Not gonna sugar-coat it.

This whole exercise got me thinking about what that means to be dark and to be light. I've searched myself soo much thinking that if I could touch the darkness in my self I could touch it in someone else, too. To help. I don't know if that's my place. And often I've been so consumed with looking for the dark, that I forgot to recognize the light. Goldberg once said something along the lines that when you see the good in others, you often forget that you can see it because you touched it in yourself first. That makes me feel warm deep in my belly because I think so highly of most everyone I meet.

Though spiritually frustrated, I'm glad I'm learning this in my life now and that everything in me and around me is obsessed with seeing the differences of black and white, light and dark. So in the future, I will be able to see the distinctions of the two quickly, at least I hope. I think this is very important for "thy children perish because of lack of knowledge."